Yesterday, i was having a wonderful time with my girlfriend, eating at a Japanese buffet. Things were fine, food were nice (actually more than nice, it was excellent!), the atmosphere was soothing, everything just fine. However, somehow inside my emotion, there is a sense of lost and hunger for something.
I was sharing this with my girlfriend, which ended up cause her to worry about me. I have no idea what is wrong. Perhaps is the food causing the chemical in my body to react which then cause my emotion to fluctuate. But it does not happen to the rest of them who eat the same food together with me. When everything went well, suddenly thoughts become so miserable and negative.
The worst thing is that, somehow, I enjoy dwelling in that kind of emotion. I was pulling myself down, and making myself looks very pity.
Today as I reflect back, I think this is what I called 'emotion ecstasy.' Actually, this is not the first time I experience this. At this moment of time, life became almost meaningless, everything seems to be purposeless and living on earth is only a path to survive. I think the cycle that usually happen with this kind of situation is:
fresh -> positive to work -> gain achievement -> sudden depression
People call this as burn out. I think is more like we as leaders at the top of our performance, we yearn for the care and love of other people. Perhaps I use the word "lust" or "deadly desire" for the words of affirmation, loves, touch, and time from people around us. It is not just burn out, but a temptation after some degree of achievement.
Thank God for putting people around us that they can keep us accountable. But we also need to bear the responsibility to keep our attitude, our emotion, and our integrity in proper condition. I am learning to handle myself. God, please help me.
How about those who are reading this? What do you think? Have you ever felt this kind of melancholy in life? What do you do about it?
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