A Voice in the Desert

These few days I was facing some real hard questions. Recently my church organized a few days of Healing & Evangelistic services. Wow, what can I say, the hall was full and packed with people. The services end up quite late due to long sermons and spiritual ministering.

I am quite disturb by the way this particular speaker share the Word of God. It seems that she allegorize the Word of God a little too far from the context, and eisegesis rather than exegesis. But what you know, the crowd loves it! People giving testimonies that the presence of God was so strong, and they were healed in many way (spiritual & physical).

As a Bible School student, I was trained to exegete the Word of God and allow the Word of God to speak from Itself. Now, I was wondering what has really happen in the service. After discussing with some of the church members and doing some deep deep meditation, I come to a rather shallow conclusion.

I think God may use many channel to help His people. However, I may foresee that God will discipline His people using many ways as well. I am concern that the people in my local church starting to chase after the so called "manifestation of the Spirit" rather than God Himself. It is the responsible of people to make decision for themselves. We cannot blame God or anybody else if one day, our local church members join some cults or heretic teaching because we expose themselves to such teachings without prior information.

Anyway, people are indeed incomplete and have many weaknesses. I too are weak and incompetent in many ways. Who am I to challenge a "Great Evangelist" who prepare the people of God for the blessing of the year? I can only be a voice in the desert, preparing the way for the truth, continue to articulate and voicing my concern in the church.

I agree that we cannot keep our members in a well, keeping them away from different teachings, trend and movement in the world, but we got to teach them well, help them to be grounded in the truth.

Well, God is still in control even though things are not right. I must learn to lean on God and allow His creative plan to shock me again and again. He is really almighty. You got to know Him more by reading His Words.

Family Members are Part of God's Plan too!

Today, as I do my morning devotion, I read the devotional email that I subscribe at Purpose Driven Life website. The text was Luke 2:4-5:

“And because Joseph was a descendant of King David, he had to go to Bethlehem in Judea, David's ancient home. He traveled there from the village of Nazareth in Galilee. He took with him Mary, his fiancée, who was obviously pregnant by this time.”

Jon Walker (the author of that devotional article) explained that even Jesus have family to move Jesus into that Holy purpose. Jesus, son of the living God, yet was chosen to born in a simple and ordinary family. The father was a carpenter, and as a result, Jesus too became a carpenter before He started His ministry.

As I reflected upon what has being written, I come to understand that God may use anyone in my family to mold me and clashes with me so that I will be able to fulfill my purpose on earth. I come to understand that God purposefully put me in this family, to see the reality of a Christian life, to be able to balance my view, to be able to form Christ-like character.

My mother and father, they were not able to receive higher education due to the culture in the past, but they have demonstrated a life of love, discipline, self-control, and responsibility. My grandparents, although we have quite a generation gap, but they have reveal God's patient and persistence in their daily life. My brothers who have always be my "iron sharpener" and help me to keep myself on the ground.

There are many unhappy time in the family, but I just realize all this while, the conflicts and disagreement, made me to understand my role in God's family better. All this, God is not unaware. He has carefully plan and taking care of me. Thank you God for your wonderful providence!

I pray that God will continue to direct the course of my life, that I be able to help those around to be more Christ-like and fulfill their God-given purposes.

Next Year Resolution

Finally, everything is over. Pass up my last assignment yesterday night. Struggle so hard to finish the paper and lastly I manage to get it done. Although the paper is rather shallow, but that is as far as I can go at the moment.

I have been discussing with my girlfriend about next year resolution. I have not yet settle down and reflect upon what the Lord has done in my life throughout year 2007 and what are the area I would like to improve next year. Maybe I should use this time since I am blogging my reflection.

This year have been rather challenging and adventurous. I tried many new things throughout the year: from Secretary position to President in Student Council, started taking jazz piano class, started teaching Bible study class in church, started sharing in the youth group (no license to preach yet), started the revival services in my local church, and started my first leadership training with the youth group. Wow, God has been gracious to me!

Yet, there are area that I wish to improve but have not able to do so in this year; I have not yet sign-up for swimming class, still lack of discipline in practicing piano, have not started learning mandarin, and still no discipline in daily self-study.

Anyway, I trust God will pull me through. In term of my love and social life, things have been very nice. I got to know my girlfriend better, and I know how to handle my self better. However, my social skill still need lot lot more improvement, especially in the area of negotiating. That will be my next year resolution.

For next year, I wish to improve my English, Mandarin, Greek and Cantonese language. I always believe that language play a major role in our mental development and also our social skill. I would also hope to learn counseling skills and teaching skills better. Hopefully, next year I will be able to teach more in Church and help more youths to grow in their spiritual life. I also want to improve my time management, and hopefully can spend more time with my love ones.

That's about it for my simple reflection. Details reflection got to do in secret :)

Hello, 2008!

Emotion Ecstasy

Holiday just started. Things are getting pretty easy. Graduation salute and exercises have ended as well. Suddenly, something strange happen inside me...

Yesterday, i was having a wonderful time with my girlfriend, eating at a Japanese buffet. Things were fine, food were nice (actually more than nice, it was excellent!), the atmosphere was soothing, everything just fine. However, somehow inside my emotion, there is a sense of lost and hunger for something.

I was sharing this with my girlfriend, which ended up cause her to worry about me. I have no idea what is wrong. Perhaps is the food causing the chemical in my body to react which then cause my emotion to fluctuate. But it does not happen to the rest of them who eat the same food together with me. When everything went well, suddenly thoughts become so miserable and negative.

The worst thing is that, somehow, I enjoy dwelling in that kind of emotion. I was pulling myself down, and making myself looks very pity.

Today as I reflect back, I think this is what I called 'emotion ecstasy.' Actually, this is not the first time I experience this. At this moment of time, life became almost meaningless, everything seems to be purposeless and living on earth is only a path to survive. I think the cycle that usually happen with this kind of situation is:

fresh -> positive to work -> gain achievement -> sudden depression

People call this as burn out. I think is more like we as leaders at the top of our performance, we yearn for the care and love of other people. Perhaps I use the word "lust" or "deadly desire" for the words of affirmation, loves, touch, and time from people around us. It is not just burn out, but a temptation after some degree of achievement.

Thank God for putting people around us that they can keep us accountable. But we also need to bear the responsibility to keep our attitude, our emotion, and our integrity in proper condition. I am learning to handle myself. God, please help me.

How about those who are reading this? What do you think? Have you ever felt this kind of melancholy in life? What do you do about it?